Calling all like-minded buffoons: Join the ICE clowns
from Indivisible Eugene/Springfield
Join the ICE clowns Tuesday, May 12, and speak out with satire from Indivisible Eugene/Springfield.
Did you know that there was a recruitment center for ICE clowns right here at our beautiful and highly secure Federal Building? Well, what are you waiting for?
Interviews and trial runs for ICE clowns are beginning Tuesday, May 12 at 3 p.m. at the Federal Building. We are hoping to see long lines of motivated clowns showing off their stuff to an adoring public and impressing our hard-nosed ICE clown sergeants.
Scorn for the status quo is a must. A lack of relevant experience is a bonus. Job duties show the run-of-the-mill DHS force that you are already all you can be.
March, jiggle, juggle, gawk, squawk. Thumb your nose at security cameras. Amuse yourself at the expense of your dignity, just as our ICE compatriots sacrifice their integrity to follow illegitimate orders from on high.
Design your own in-service training. No tact or discretion will be tolerated for the interview. Line up at our custom crenellated cardboard compound at 7th and Pearl. Tell the red-nosed sergeants there that ‘Bozo sent me.’
You may interview in groups of like-minded buffoons. Bring a fellow fool. Assure your friend that you intend to follow the letter of the law about where to walk and protest, but in a silly, annoying way only a true clown could conceive of, and that safety will be your priority on sidewalks and public walkways.
We clowns do not desire personal contact with trad ICE, but their actions may inspire ours from a distance. Be sure to ask your commanding officer clowns at the recruitment center for some game-like rules to make the action look cohesive to the public and be fun and interactive.
Please be prepared with the following:
- Basic black, khaki, or other standard militaristic thug attire with a dramatic difference of colorful socks or peculiar shoes, a ridiculous wig, hat, or headdress, and for extra employment points, a red clown nose or makeup.
- Clown tools of the trade strongly encouraged.
- Any strange object that cannot be construed as a weapon, but can be seen by baffled drivers and those inside the building. This item will be your interactive theme—your shtick—for the day. For example: a hula hoop, a horn, a large toy, rubber chicken, a broom, a laundry basket, your blankie.
This is a local Indivisible event. A core principle behind all Indivisible events is a commitment to nonviolent action. We expect all participants to seek to deescalate any potential confrontation with those who disagree with our values.
Read by Robin Bloomgarden for KEPW Whole Community News.
